don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
