I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
