There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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