remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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