they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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