i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
