Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
