so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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