I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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