I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
