Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
