im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
