my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
