:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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