You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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