My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
