what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
