I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just had sex on a roof
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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