so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
there is puke in my bra ... again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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