we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
