If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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