I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Someone came in the potted fern
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
