false alarm. still invincible.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
