I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
