you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
