mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
