nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
