True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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