I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
