: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
