i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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