its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
