We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
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You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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