You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
