walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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