I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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