i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
