no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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