the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
