I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
