I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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