The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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