No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
