When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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