they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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