Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
