Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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