we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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