you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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