Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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