I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
