i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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