You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
