bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
