I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
