Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
