Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
