If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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