I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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