When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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