in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
