the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
