What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
