it hurts more in the daytime
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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