hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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