i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
