The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
