That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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