It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
