Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
