ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
