even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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