I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
